My Friend Todd

0900 September 9, 2010-  I sat there in the tactical operations center of Dog Company and mulled over the task list for the day as our morning meeting came to a close.  I walked over to the mIRC chat computer, an aol instant messenger type system that allows different tactical operating centers to talk to each other without clogging up the radio.  Stewie, a 2009 USMA grad and our fires officer, was manning it and I asked like every morning, "Anything crazy going on Stewie?"  He mulled over a couple of the chat screens, scanning for any contact messages, and saw one, "Oh man, dismounted IED up the ARV (Arghandab River Valley), initial report says triple amp (amputee) but the 9 line is kinda weird so im not sure whats going on, no name given."  I said, "Damn man, alright."  I had been up most of the night planning for our next mission and visiting some of my soldiers on guard duty.  I walked back to my tent and fell right to sleep.

Noon, I get shaken awake and tackle the person shaking me.  It was a fellow platoon leader, but in country your always kinda on edge.  I said, "Damn man, you scared the shit out of me."  He said, "Hey man you have to go to the TOC (tactical operations center)."  The TOC was a good 7 minute walk from my tent and at 115 degrees outside one I didn't want to make.  I said, "Shut up Dude, what do they need."  He repeated, "Man just go to the TOC please."  This time I caught his drift, wiped the sleep from my eyes and said, "Woah no, whats going on."  He said, "Look man, just go to the TOC, Bryson needs to talk to you."  I said, "Fuck that just tell me."  After arguing back and forth about him not wanting to and me insisting he finally came out with it, "That triple amputee this morning, he didn't make it."  I said, "Ok."  He said, "It was Todd."

I got in the cab and was immediately asked, "Where to buddy?"  I replied, "Arlington Cemetery sir."  The cab driver shook his head and began to pull away from the hotel.  My mind wondered as I looked out the window, it shifted in and out of so many things.  Sadness, fear, anger, sadness again.  Not entirely sure of how I was going to handle the preceding events.  I got dropped off and walked into the gates of the cemetery.  I felt my knees buckle a little bit as I stopped and looked across the massive site of so many heroes final resting place.  I could feel my eyes begin to well, but quickly wiped my eyes, put my sunglasses on and moved out.  I went into the main office and approached the help desk. "Ma'am, I am looking for a grave site."  She asked for the name, relative date, and operation name.  I provided her all.  She then marked a map, and wrote down a number for me.  I thanked her and left the lobby.  

I got out to the road, looked at the map and set off. At several points the walking path ended and I was left with a decision, do I walk on the road or the grass. I did not know the proper cemetery etiquette.  I remember being upset with myself that this was even something that required a second thought.  "Of course you walk on the road idiot, you didn't earn the right to be on their grass just to get from point A to point B."  I quickly stepped on the road and continued my journey.

When I got to Todd's final resting spot, I finally allowed myself to emotionally breakdown.  I put my hand on top of the stone and cried.  A family of 5 walked past me, saying nothing, just understanding the situation.  it was the first time I had really cried since I was injured almost nine months prior.  I had pent up so much emotional sadness and it was all coming out of me now.  I was heartbroken because Emma had lost her husband, Kiley had lost her father, his parents had lost their son, siblings and relatives lost a brother or cousin.  I was heartbroken for his Soldiers who all Loved him and I knew they did because I saw it in their eyes the day I drove up for Todd's in country memorial, they had lost their leader.  I thought of Bryson and Jacob whom the four of us had been platoon leaders together and been through so much, we describe our bonds much deeper than the normal working force, so we too had lost our brother.  

I sat down, but continued to hold the stone as if it were an extension of Todd himself.  As I sat I thought, "Why? Why Todd and not me?  I don't have a wife or girlfriend, I don't have a daughter or son who needs me.  This isn't fair, it should have been me not Todd." I sunk my head, and only hoped that one day I could become half of the person that Todd was.  

I walked out onto the central loading area of 2-502, 101st infantry.  Thirty of us had gathered there, inevitably getting ready for the short bus ride over to the airfield where we would get on a plane and take off for afghanistan. I walked with my Mom and we tried to talk about anything other than what was about to happen.  It was a cloudy day yet my mom never removed the sunglasses from her eyes.  I stood there with my Mom waiting to get the word that we were leaving.  My Mom began to cry and she said, "Oh look at that adorable baby, thats so sad."  I turned and saw Todd, Kiley and Emma having there final embrace.  An all-american man, who feared nothing other than god, was an amazing husband and father, and hands down the best leader and mentor I experienced in the Army.  We worked together, we drank together, we laughed together, and we spoke deeply about very important issues. As I sit here two years after the passing of my friend, I am amazed by many things.  First and foremost, the unbelievable strength and courage of his wife Emma, whom everyday lives and breathes courage that I have yet to see matched on or off the battlefield. Second, his adorable daughter Kiley, who attended her first day of pre-school this week.  Third, for the emotions of Todd's friends on today.  Todd was such an amazing individual that two years after the fact it is impossible to forget the quality of soldier, man, father and husband he was.  

1LT Todd Weaver, KIA 09SEP10, 2ND BTN 502ND INF REG, 101ST AIRBORNE

"No more bleeding no more fight
No prayers pleading through the night
just divine embrace, eternal light
in the mansions of the Lord"

Love you Todd and miss you - KS